Readjustment and Such

So I recently had someone request that I write a little about the culture shock and readjustment issues I've been dealing with over the past two, almost three, months since I returned from Senegal. In all honesty, I've been delaying writing anything on here or really processing my experience because I'm still kind of in denial about being back. I miss Senegal and life as a PCV insanely and finding this period of transition before I head off on my next adventure to be more than a little challenging. It's getting easier however, and it's taken about a month just to write this entry, but I hope it's interesting.

Pulling water from the well at the school garden

A lot of the things that I expected to be surprised about (bell peppers the size of my face while grocery shopping, meat in every single meal, etc), were not necessarily the things that amazed/shocked me in the end. Some random tidbits follow:



~Language: Something that I'm finding a little more difficult than expected (and yet kind of love that this is an issue) has been transitioning from speaking multiple languages on a daily basis (I could have conversations with locals and fellow PCVs that incorporated French, English, Serere, Wolof, and Arabic) to speaking English rekk (only). Realizing even basic catch phrases PCVs use constantly mean absolutely nothing to the people around me has been strange. At work, a coworker might ask a question about something that's happening or needs to be done, and I want to add an Arabic "Inchallah" (God willing) or "Alhumdouliliah" after something good happens. A few times I've let it slip and just get a strange look from whoever is around me, so mostly wind up whispering French, Serere, or Arabic phrases under my breath (weird, huh?). America is very much a one-language country (or at least Crystal Lake is), and I have always wanted to be bilingual, so having to drop my second, third, and fourth languages is a mental challenge. I'd consider myself almost fluent in French (well, West African French) and Serere, and somewhat competent in Wolof, and really don't want to lose my language skills. I need to actively keep up my French before heading abroad again, but it's hard without a conversation buddy. As for Serere, how do you keep from forgetting a dying language? Yea, trying to work on that... Hopefully I will be able to do a little Serere translating and help update the dictionary from over here.



~Gender Roles: One of the things that has outraged me the most since coming back have been the advertisements. Unfortunately, I've already wasted more time than I care to admit in front of the TV, watching terrible shows on the Travel and Disney channels, and thus have been forced to watch even more horrible commercials. In Senegal, all PCVs do a lot of what we call "GAD" (Gender and Development) work, consciously or unconsciously, talking about shared tasks and gender equality and all that jazz in America. I spent a lot of time in my village talking about how my (American) dad cooks all of the time, does the laundry, etc, and how important it is for men and women to share the tasks at home, which mostly got laughs from the Senegalese. My host sisters eventually understood enough that when a visitor asked about my marital status, besides just explaining how I don't like polygamy, they also volunteered how my husband and I will share work in the home (that we will BOTH cook, clean, do laundry, etc). This usually got an uncomfortable laugh from the guest about the crazy white chic, but whatever, people got the idea and I hoped it challenged some of their ideas of gender roles. Then I came back and watched TV and realized modern American culture is not quite as gender equal as I had envisioned. The commercials for sales at stores like Kohl's or Macy's all feature only shopping-obsessed women. Household cleaning ads and laundry detergent all feature ALL female casts. A good 75+% of the advertisements seemed focused on female shoppers/cleaners/cooks/etc. Why is this? Maybe this is a subject for a completely non-Senegal related blog post for someone other than this middle-of-the-road feminist, but still. Also surprising to me was how annoyed all of these commercials have made me. I also think that seeing the differences between Senegalese and American male-female friendships and relationships since returning has also surprised me, though I don't quite have enough words to describe my thoughts and views for the public yet.


~On the shopping note, women's fashion: ew, gross. It all looks like large trash bags with spandex pant leggings. No shape and flattering on very few body types, plus way overpriced. Not a fan. I have, however, found a little bit of success replenishing my closet with strategic sale shopping (70% off at Loft, thank you very much!) and wearing through old clothing staples (so that I can donate or trash them at the end of the summer). A few RPCVs and I were having a conversation about how terrible women's fashion is right now, because it's bad--but sorry to those who are enjoying it! [And I hope that I didn't prove the justification of all of the only female Kohl's and Macy's ads all over television.]


~More comical: the LACK of bugs and creepy crawly things around. The walls in my room are white with a few old nails and hooks still sticking out and still, almost everytime I see one of those hooks out of the corner of my eye, I do a double-take, thinking I see a cockroach, millipede, or scorpion, just like I'm still in my hut. I see shadows and think they are giant spiders. I've woken up in the middle of the night, or even the afternoon, thinking I hear the scratches of a mouse or shrew. One of my biggest fears going into the Peace Corps was, seriously, the bugs. Yes, I saw some pretty big creepers, but eventually I got "used to" (didn't like, but didn't freak out upon seeing them either) most of them, except that 2 week period in February when cockroaches took over my hut and latrine. Sometimes I think that I hear or feel mosquitoes or Senegalese ear wigs on me (gross!). It's almost like I have creepy crawly post-traumatic stress disorder. Fortunately, it's tolerable and I live in a pretty clean house (good job Mom and Dad!).


~I miss Senegal like crazy. For most of my second year of PC service, I thought about and was asked to extend for a third year. The options were many: extend in Dakar and support the Health and EE programs, extend in Thies and keep working with PST, extend in Kaolack and support the Kaolack Region PCVs, or even extend in Djilor/Kaolack and focus on the Serere dictionary (this was an idea that hit me in my last few weeks, when I felt like it was almost a little too late, tho I know it wasn't). It was a hard decision, though a lot of my reasons for not extending were made during a time when I was feeling somewhat bitter and jaded about things and didn't think it would be good for my emotional health. I thought about extending for a short term, but basically wanted to be back for some weddings this summer. While important and great experiences, I still frequently find myself wishing that I had extended instead to work on the dictionary or PST. I think about my village friends and family as well as my PCV friends and the adventure and monotony of daily life as a PCV, on an almost daily basis. There's definitely things I don't really miss (like arguing for bags while taking public transport, certain interactions in the Kaolack market, or the never ending heat), but in general I had a great experience and of course think only about the good aspects of life there. While there were definitely aspects of PCV social life that I did not enjoy, I really miss the support network and my Djilor neighbors. I also (kind of surprisingly) miss the food: bean sandwiches, millet couscous with leaf sauce and chicken, yassa poulet, millet with raw milk, fresh mangoes and cashew apples, mmm! Those are things you just can't get here. Overall, however, it's the people I miss the most. Yes, I can call my village and do, or other PCVs, but phone calls and occasional emails just aren't the same as sitting underneath a shade tree in Ndiomdy and talking or taking a sketchy public transportation ride in order to meet up with a bunch of other Americans. It's the personal interactions with everyone that I miss so much.


~What my Peace Corps Service could have been: I LOVE reading blogs and looking at pictures from other PCVs who are still over in Senegal, or just beginning their services. I enjoy reading about their work projects, hut improvements, PCV adventures, and cross-culture sharing activities, but it's hard not to compare my Service with their's. I had a full and fulfilling service, but there was always a list of more things I wanted to do: for my village, to share my culture, to share about Senegal with America, or parts of Senegal to see, but never had a chance to. Or I was too scared and nervous. There are beautiful pictures with important people that I wanted to, but never took. Or started taking too late and missed hundreds or amazing shots early in my Service. It's hard not to compare and get down about the things I did NOT do, but when I look back on my experience, I need to focus on what I DID do and the experiences I had. Each Peace Corps Service is different. Mine was mine and their's are their's and I need to be comfortable with that.


~A lack of independence: going from a totally open schedule with a lot of responsibility and very little need to inform anyone (except Etienne) of my whereabouts or activities (until they were complete, of course) to living with my parents and working at an over-caffeinated suburban coffeehouse with super strict rules has been a challenge, which many RPCVs go through (or so I hear). Being back in the town I grew up brings back old memories and emotions which I don't always want to think about, especially after living in DC and then my life-changing time in Senegal. Though it was difficult at first, I grew to really like making my own daily schedule and being in charge of myself and my whereabouts (even while walking or being tortured on public transportation) and now I'm back to being trapped by a somewhat spontaneous and poorly planned work schedule, dependence on a shared vehicle, and an alarm clock (Quelle horreur!). Ew.


~There's so much more I could write about, including my annoyances at American ignorance (a typical RPCV complaint), laziness, obsession with technology (iPhone 4, ew), ideas about minivans, people constantly referring to Africa as a country and not a continent (especially while directly referencing something about my time in Senegal), and the fact that I will never truly be able to share my experiences with people around here. No one I see or talk to on a regular basis was able to visit Senegal and thus no one can truly understand what I went through or the reintegration I'm going through, which can be tough (more so on some days than others). That's why it's so important to stay in contact with RPCVs, because we are able to share our experiences of reintegration and memories of our time in Senegal together.

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There have of course been some good things about being back: including being around to help some good friends (and a cousin) celebrate their weddings, spending time with some old friends who have known me for a lot longer than 27 months, seeing family members (including one of my cousins who lived at our house for the summer), Zumba and other classes at Healthbridge to keep me active, and being employed in a job that allows for a little bit of social stimulation (though with all of the weddings and such, I have yet to break even or make a profit).



Ok, I will try and post again soon-ish. I'm working on figuring out the next phase of life, with paperwork and tickets for France (plus contacting my school), getting rid of old junk in my room, and hopefully starting to scrapbook my PC Service. There's still sooooo much I want to share about Senegal with anyone willing to listen (err, read). Thanks for checking out this long, random, and not very well written post. :)